Solitude
by First of the Geeks
Summary: A song fic that tells the story about Hermione's unrequited love for Harry. Now with second chapter of Harry's thoughts at a later time. Done to Evanescence's SOLITUDE, and Smashing Pumpkins' Blank Page. My first ever song fic.
1. Solitude

Hi! This is my first ever song fic. It's about Hermione unrequited love for Harry. I was thinking that if you like it, I would turn it into an actual ff. Tell me what you think,please!

Peace,

Melly Mel-Mel

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"She's wonderful, 'Moine," you say, staring at me intently. "She's beautiful, funny, smart." You smile. "I think I may love her."

How can I tell you that what you just described is exactly what I think about you?

"Ginny is just the greatest."

__

How many times have you told me you love her   
As many times as I've wanted to tell you the truth   
How long have I stood here beside you 

"Hermione?" You ask as I work on my Ancient Runes homework. "If I added powdered wormwood to a Delightful potion, what would happen?"

I look up and see your smiling face. Your green eyes are appealing as you look at me, your messy hair falling across them. I look at your goofy smile, and I have no choice but to tell you the answer.

"It would turn it into a Hatred Potion." I look into your beautiful eyes. "Right before it blows up in your face, of course."

"Thanks, Herm," you say, and look down at your paper, not giving me another thought.

__

I live through you   
You looked through me   
  
_Ooh, Solitude,   
Still with me is only you   
Ooh, Solitude,   
I can't stay away from you _

"Herm, can you leave for a moment?" You ask, nodding you head towards where Ginny is standing, waiting, her hands in front of her. "I want to say goodnight." You wink, hoping I get the message.

I do, and it makes me sick to my stomach.  
  
_How many times have I done this to myself   
How long will it take before I see _

"Hermione," Ginny says, waving a hand in front of my face. "Earth to Hermione." I wonder if she sees me looking at you.

She does.

"He's great, isn't he?" She asks dreamily. "He says that once we're both done with Hogwarts, we'll get married. Sweet, isn't it?"

I nod my head, and have to swallow down tears. "Yea. That's just wonderful."

__

  
When will this hole in my heart be mended   
Who now is left alone but me

"Look at all the happy couples," Ron says, giving me a hinting look.

"Yea," I say, looking at you as you talk with Ginny, smiling big. I remember a time when you couldn't smile. When you wouldn't.

I can tell that Ron is grasping at courage. "Look, Hermione, I..."

"I need to go to the library," I say quickly, leaving Ron with his mouth open. I grab my books and walk hurriedly away.

__

Ooh, Solitude,   
Forever me and forever you   
Ooh, Solitude,   
Only you, only true   
  
_Everyone leave me stranded   
Forgotten, abandoned, left behind   
I can't stay here another night _

"Herm," Ron says, looking at me intently as Lavender tries to get his attention. "Are you alright?"

I smile one of the fake smiles that I have used for too many years. "Yea, everything's fine." I get up from the chair. "I think I'm going to go to bed."

I look at you. "Goodnight."

You look at me swiftly before looking back down at the sleeping head in you lap. "'Night."  
  
_Your secret in my heart   
Who could it be _  
  
_Ooh, Can't you see   
All along it was me   
How can you be so blind   
As to see right through me _

"Ginny!" You call, looking through me and try to catch the running figure with your eyes. "It didn't mean anything! I swear to God it didn't mean a thing!"

As she slams the dorm room door, you sigh and sit on the couch, your head in your hands. "It's over. It's all over now." I hear your tears. "How could I have been so stupid, so blind?"

Yes, I silently think. How _could _you have been so blind?

  
_And Ooh, Solitude,   
Still with me is only you   
Ooh, Solitude,   
I can't stay away from you _

"Isn't she beautiful?" You ask me again as you look at her, a different person then before. "Isn't she just the cutest thing you've ever seen?"

I nod my head, but I'm really thinking that you are the cutest thing. 

"Parvati!" You yell, waving your hands. "Parvati! Wait up!"

She giggles as you walk right past me to get to her. I let out a sob that you can't hear.

__

Ooh, Solitude,   
Forever me and forever you   
Ooh, Solitude,   
Only you, only true

I look at you, smiling at me, and I just want to tell you what I have kept inside for three years.

"C'mon. We're going to be late for Potions. And we don't want Snape mad at us, do we?"

I shake my head as you run away, hurrying to catch up to Ron. Once I know you are out of earshot, I say the thing that have longed to tell you for so long.

"Only you, Only true."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ok, well, there you have it. My first song fic. So.... what do you think? Is it good? Does it suck? SHOULD I NEVER WRITE ONE EVER AGAIN?

Please review for my mind's sake.

Peace

Melly Mel-Mel


	2. Blank Page

__

Blank page is all the rage  
Never meant to say anything  
In bed I was half dead  
Tired of dreaming of rest

I have kept many things from you, 'Moine, though you may not know it. Some of my biggest secrets I have hidden from everyone, including yourself. You have no idea how sorry I am, and will probably never know. But here, as I'm dying, I have decided to tell you everything.

I regret many things, ranging from not being able to save Cedric and Sirius, to disappointing the Order in our six year. But most of all, I regret not having told you I love you.

You may not know it, but I have loved you for a very long time now. Even when I was with Ginny and Parvati, I loved you. 

You know when I kissed you in our sixth year, and how I told Ginny that it didn't mean anything, that it was just an accident? It really wasn't; I liked it, and I had wanted more from you. But you never gave it, and I decided to find someone new. 

That's where Parvati came in.

  
_Got dressed drove the state line  
Looking for you at the five and dime  
Stop sign told me stay at home  
Told me you were not alone_

You have no idea how much it pained me to see you with Ron. Even though you guys only went out on one date before he went onto Lavender, I was still extremely jealous. When I saw you guys heading towards Hogsmead without me, I was so envious, I thought I would bash Ron's face in.

But, of course, I was dating Parvati, pretending that I liked her more than I liked you, so I couldn't do anything.

And when you told me that you didn't like him like that, I wanted to jump for joy and give you a giant hug. But Parvati was standing right next to me, and I hadn't wanted to hurt her feelings. It hadn't really occurred to me that I should care more about my feelings instead of everyone else's. 

__

Blank page was all the rage  
Never meant to hurt anyone  
In bed I was half dead  
Tired of dreaming of rest

When I first started liking you , I was afraid. I was afraid because I was falling for my best friend, and there was nothing I could do about it. I thought I couldn't tell you; who knows how you would react? You might avoid me like the plague, or worse yet, tell me that you didn't like me like that.

__

You haven't changed  
You're still the same  
May you rise as you fall

I wish you the best, Hermione. Even if its with Malfoy, as long as you have someone to love you, I'll be happy. I'll be happy knowing that what I couldn't give you is being fulfilled by someone else. 

__

You were easy you are forgotten  
You are the ways of my mistakes

I should have told you long ago how I felt. Maybe things would be different, better or worse. Or maybe things would be the same that they are now; awkward and hesitant to talk. I have a good feeling that everything would be better, but you're such a reserved person, I never can tell. 

  
_I catch the rainfall  
Through the leaking roof  
That you had left behind  
You remind me  
Of that leak in my soul_

_The rain falls  
My friends call  
Leaking rain on the phone_

My other friends tell me all the time what you've been up to, where they saw you, who you were with. Whenever I hear that you were with some guy, I become angry, and avoid everyone for weeks on end. But more than the fact that you weren't with me, it hurts me the most when I know that you didn't tell me about it.

__

Take a day plant some trees  
May they shade you from me  
May your children play beneath

Blank page was all the rage  
Never meant to say anything  
In bed I was half dead  
Tired of dreaming of rest

I'm sorry, 'Moine So sorry that you will never know how much.

And I'm tired. Tired of dreaming, tired of berating myself and wondering how it could have been. But most of all, I'm tired of wising that you were mine, tired of wishing I that I could hold you and kiss you. And you've never been mine, and you can't be now.

  
_Got dressed drove the state line  
Looking for you at the five and dime  
But there I was picking pieces up_

There was a lot that I wanted to do, with you and otherwise. But now, I can't, and there's nothing I can do about it. I wish I could pick up all the pieces, and fix everything that I did wrong.

__

You are a ghost  
Of my indecision  
No more little girl 

You were never mine, Hermione. And above all else, that what I wish I could change the most. I will always love you, 'Moine, and don't you ever forget that. Know that I'll be waiting for you on the other side. 

Waiting for you, if you'll have me.

I'll forever be waiting.....

****

So yea. I heard this song yesterday, _Blank Page_, by the Smashing Pumpkins. It so dark, and I think it just suits so well. 

I think I may have been rambling in parts though, so sorry if it makes no sense. I wrote this in a little while, so I think it might. Plus, I didn't send it to my beta, so yea.

I think this is enough of my brainless banter. Please review, and tell me what I can do better!

Peace

Melissa 


End file.
